The sun is gone and I need a light

I'm not sure how much my little Alisa weighs but I can play catch with her without even breathing heavy. To say that her smile lit up my UCLA class does not properly describe how cute this girl is. She didn't much like English and was a horrible student, although a four year old laying on the table, dancing in circles at random and unable to speak her native language should hardly be called a student. With Alisa, I really felt like a day care teacher. Still, as disobedient as she could be, Alisa never stopped smiling and neither did I. At times, I knew I should get angry with her but, just then, she would pop out of her chair, run up to the board, take my marker and start impersonating me by jumping up and down and entertaining all of us with her baby squeaks and unmatched joy. And my laughter doesn't lie, I can't be cross with this girl. I was crushed when I was told by a Korean teacher that Alisa had been transferred. Her parents found a cheaper, more demanding Hagwan and, just like that, my sun had gone. Now I'm suffering the same fate all teachers before me have known. We remain and remember while they leave and forget. So young, she may never think of me again, but it will be difficult for me to forget that face and the happiness it gave me the past 6 months. Let's all have a moment of silence for the most adorable, silly, dancing mini-Korean muffin I've ever known.

Intensives

Even the most resilient teachers were wavering as the clock struck 6 this Friday. Susie's perpetual smile was replaced by yawns and Mr. (A game) D was sluggish. I required that he grab my arm and pull me out of my comfy office chair. This was the final day of summer intensives and the extra classes had taken their toll. Korean children get 40something days off for summer vacation. Swaton and the parents (always scheming how to rid the children of leisure) compensate the extra time by offering classes for afternoon children in the morning. Most teachers, myself included, were required to teach a few extra classes each week. This sounds trivial but it shatters our routine and causes us to arrive earlier and leave later for preparation. Plus, Victoria, my co-teacher is pregnant and spent a couple weeks in the hospital so we were covering her classes as well. Admitting, I don't find my classes demanding (except for certain silent midder-schoolers), but I felt the supplemental load. To be sure, (that's such an over-used journalism phrase but, out of novelty, I had to use it), we were relieved when the month of intensives was finally over. I anticipate breezing through the next couple weeks. I'm going to relish my breaks like never before.

This is my apartment and the view from outside my window. Unfortunately, I only use this place for sleep, but it's an enjoyable sleep, I can say that. I really like my new dwelling, especially because it's all mine. Within my one room apartment there exists a little bit of everything I treasure; basketball, video games, literature, guitar, Korean culture and my computer which brings me to you.

My sleep hole

Saturday night and the feelings right

Ever since I moved into my own apartment, I've been writing a lot more. Journal writing and song writing mainly. Two songs have materialized out of these sessions. One is complete, I think. It's a tune about living here: the sights, people, philosophy of the east and how it affects me as a teacher. It's based on the irony of me being a teacher and, at the same time, learning more than I ever have. The other, not quite finished, I wrote after having an intense apocalyptic dream. This was much more plausible than the crap Hollywood turns out once every 6 months. The dream was definitely caused by a lesson I was teaching the day earlier about the dinosaurs being killed by an asteroid and, consequentially, a lack of sun. I premiered these songs at a bar this Saturday. They went over quite well but I've never thought of myself as a singer, and, after hearing professionals, I think the audience was expecting better vocally. I've decided that I'm writing in a Flaming Lips style; acknowledging that there are many harmony imperfections, but these give the songs a human feel. At least that's what I tell myself. After playing the bar, myself and about 8 others sat downtown and belted out songs for hours. I was alone on guitar with drunks singing along. It was as fun as Korea can get and I made 35$. As far as I've seen, Koreans don't do street performances so this was something new. I guess that's why it paid off so well. Even more irony though- I'm making more money with my job than ever before and begging on the side. I think this could be the start of a Saturday night tradition.....

A Brief Update

I had another internet hiatus but I'm back to let the few readers left that this sight will move on. Usually I use these blogs to talk about one particular adventure, but I'm just going to give an overview today. I realized that I'm nearly half-way done now. It's caused me to do some serious reflection about how I've changed and what I've learned here. Of course it all comes down to the science of teaching. Every other evolution is minor compared to what I've learned in the classroom. These six months have undoubtedly taught me more than years of teacher certification classes. There are still moments when I feel nervous or undeserving of the student's attention, but they are rare. At first, teaching was a survival test. Each class was another hurdle and, as the bell rang, I would breathe deep with the satisfaction of just getting through it. A few months in, things changed. I began to get frustrated when the students wouldn't live up to my expectations. I started refusing the games that they had become so accustomed to in the survival period. Not openly speaking English, NO UNO! It was during this period that I stepped into the student's tiny shoes and saw the dynamic anew. Maybe I was asking a bit much, ignoring their apprehension and utter confusion at times. They might not be understanding half the things I say, it's so hard to tell. So I started slowing things down to get a grasp on what exactly they comprehend. It was during these experiments that I gained my current perspective. For the most part, I believe the students are trying their absolute hardest and I can sniff a slacker out from a mile away. Discipline is a whole other thing which, having just left college, is something I was not prepared for. More than anything, I demand respect. These are young children learning a second language and I understand the difficulties of this. Actually, when a student would be especially disobedient, I would get angry and this is when I realized they don't understand much of what I say. When I move beyond the material, much of my words fall on deaf ears. The past few weeks have been the smoothest thusfar. I still expect a lot, but not too much that I lose my bond with these children. Afterall, they are children. That doesn't mean much in this progress based society, but, in a subtle way, I've succeeded in giving these children my love and instruction. Outside of school, I've been adjusting to my new apartment. I live alone for the first time in my life! I will give some pictures of the apartment soon, but I haven't even grown into it myself. The place is smaller than my previous two room apartment but it's enough to fit me and my various gadgets. I have a computer, a TV with 4 English channels, a mini-bball hoop, a guitar, bed and PSP; life is pretty darn good. Now, if only the sun could come back into my life for a few days.